Contra Aestus Meus Carus Frater, Adsum
by November Fatale
Summary: Rinoa is being weighed down, more and more by a secret that could be lethal to herself & those around her. She wants to tell the gang everything, especially Squall but can't due to a promise she made a good few years ago. However her secret begins to surface unexpectedly. The level of imminent danger is rising, will Rinoa and the Gang be prepared? Will they accept her secret?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VIII - Square Soft/Square Enix does as does Tetsuya Nomura! I am merely creating fanfiction based on this beloved game._  
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**Summary:**_ Rinoa is being weighed down, more and more by a secret that could be lethal to herself and those around her. She wants to tell the gang_  
_everything, especially Squall but can't due to a promise she made a good few years ago. However her secret begins to surface unexpectedly; how will the Orphanage Gang take the surprising news of a life and past outlined in sorrow and pain. A past where many memorable moments have been overtaken by those other moments drenched in blood and tainted with poison. The level of imminent danger is rising, will Rinoa and the Gang be prepared? Will they accept her secret and look past the things she kept from everyone except herself.  
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**Author's Note:** Best listened with - **Against the Tide by Celldweller!_  
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_There are things I've kept secret, things that must be kept secret._

_Even from those I hold dearly – even to the most important person in my heart._

_I'm bound by a promise to keep these things silent, to myself. _

_Daily I'm reminded by these secrets, screaming to be free from my mind. _

_At times, it's torturous. _

_I'm told it's to keep myself safe from those who wish to find me, to harm me._

_And a lot of the time I wonder if it'd be better if I just could repress these memories that belong to me. _

_These blood drenched memories filled with sorrow and burning anger and hate. I just want to keep those that shine with laughter and smiles, with timid longing, memories of simpler times and the calm before the storm we didn't know was coming our way. _

_Now I am in another place where I was born and where I should be. Although my heart is not fully here but in another place with others that I desperately miss. Especially one person in particular, whenever I think of those piercing eyes that are as familiar as my own. I can read every emotion swirling in those depths. I remember that special, rare smile and the soft midnight hair akin to my own but streaked naturally with red highlights and undertones. _

_My heart aches so much when I think of what is left behind and__** him**__._

_Daily I smile and act like nothing is missing in my life, like everything is here. But it's not and I feel like I'm slowly unraveling. I don't know how long I can keep up this cheery facade – to keep on smiling because; I'm not okay and I want someone besides me to know. My happiness is half-hearted, at one point it was true and full but that state has long faded from me. _

_I don't dare try and contact those who are like another family to me, but as I hang around here with the gang; I'm reminded of those who are left behind._

_Will I ever be reunited with those who are further away from me than I want them to be? _

_I'd sacrifice one moment to see their faces again, to see __**his**__ face. To see and feel the softness in his gaze directed towards me. To feel his arms around me, comforting like he did when we were younger and I was terrified. _

_This is my selfish request because if I do take the chance; I think of what will happen to the friends I have made here. What danger I will invite into their lives just after we barely survived through the ordeal a few years ago. _

_All I can do is have __**hope**__ that one day I'll see them again, that I will see __**him**__ again. _

_It's the one thing I know I have for sure left in my situation – hope. _

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_**Author's Note:**_Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed this - more to come! _  
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Please R&R, I love hearing reader's opinions! ^^


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